Tha hardest part is that I miss the "me" time in smoking. I like that time where I have to excuse myself and go outside and enjoy a smoke by myself. I can still do that, or find a replacement for the cigarette in the "me" time, but it is and never will be the same. I am afraid, quite frankly that I will miss smoking forever, and that is what scares the hell out of me. I have heard from ex smokers that they crave a cigarette just as bad as when they quit (ranging from 1-20 years ago!) I don't want that, I don't want to feel as though I lost a dear dear friend that I could easily bring back from the dead.
Honestly, that is the only thing that is really bugging me about quitting. It is how I feel when I am smoking in private. I must relate it to a positive feeling, but hell if I know what that is. I realize that if you are not a smoker, you would never understand this feeling I have, that I, in no way, can really describe to you. But I would imagine it would be the same as if you were the type of person who liked to have that one silent hot aromatic cup of coffe in the morning, once it is done brewing and you can smell the aroma floating through your home, you pour the delicious brown love into your "first cup" cup, still in your warm comfortable pajamas, you go curl up in your favorite nook, stare out the window while sipping the yummy goodness, taking it all in, knowing that after the cup was gone, your world would wake up, and the chaos return.
Yeah, that's how my first morning cigarette feels. But there is one reason I have any desire and willpower to quit. It is my future... It is my dream.... and when and if that day ever comes, I want my body clean....
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