Day in and day out
zombies at her feet
she joins ranks
flesh rotting from bone
she comes from a broken home
family disowned
dirty, alone
seeing through filth tinted glasses
every breath is dramatic
the echoes...tragic
cutting of flesh
some desperate attempt
hours of superficial painting of skin
quite a deadly smile
she perfects in the end
dancing aimlessly
a masquerade gypsy
beneath a half moon of the fall
spinning circles of madness
pain and deceit
she vicariously spins out of control
living life on a merry go round
her visions are fleeting
distorted and loud
hanging onto a hollow painted plastic elephant
trying desperately to focus on the crowd
explosions of light
filling her eyes with wonder
she loses grip
she's going under
lying in the mud, broken and dizzy
as heels and toes dig into her concrete skin
fissures and chips in the stone of her being
she must do what she is deathly afraid of
a whispery child like voice fills the air...
"help...help...help...me..."
no one can hear, for the fear in her voice
it turns into her mantra
she shouts it louder
insecurities eat into her skin
millions of maggots
each telling of her sins
as she lies trampled and dying
alone in a crowd
a hand reaches down
gripping a fistful of blackened locks
pulling her up as she yells out in pain
no one said it was easy
to claw out of your grave
but with each scream, you gain
close to the surface
she feels the warmth
the drummer in her chest
starts to play
there are strings being plucked in her soul
she fears this journey
thoughts running ramped
the surface
she is afraid to break
for she has been down
underground for so long
and this sunlight
might make her blind~
Ramblings of an Otherwise Thoughtless Mind
A teardrop is insignificant in a pool of water, but it can touch the soul as it runs down someone's face...
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Been awhile
Not much has happened in my life. Working a lot, and that is about it. Was in my cousin's wedding, and it was beautiful, so thankful she included me in her day. So since I don't have much to write about, let us go to the random topic generator!....
What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
What a question.... Well, it is still a hard one to answer. Ice cream is such a broad term, because there are smoothies to think about, etc. But we will stick with the general "ice cream." I use to like peppermint bon-bon. Ever since I was a small child. I remember we use to all go to Floodwood on Fridays and go to the Bridgman's there. When we did that, I always got a butterscotch sunday. When we went for cones, it was always peppermint bon-bon. I remember getting a peppermint bon-bon cone in my hometown with my grandma, at this little crafty type shop, and I remember being so utterly upset when after about 5 licks (on an excruciatingly hot day) the ball of peppermint goodness rolled right off my cone :( As I grow older, I tend to try new things and change my taste palette a bit. My favorite I still would have to say is peppermint bon-bon, but if it is Cold stone creamery then it is oatmeal ice cream with chunks of Reese's peanut butter cups.......
Wow, so for such a weird topic, I had a wonderful walk down memory lane. :)
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Why Does it Matter?
"What religion are you?"....
"Why does it matter?"
"Why does it matter?"
Monday, May 16, 2011
Day 3
So I am on day 3 without a single cigarette. Am I going out of my mind? Suprisingly it hasn't been that bad....yet. Or so I am telling myself. I think about one once and awhile, but I am not freaking out about having one, so that it a major plus.
Tha hardest part is that I miss the "me" time in smoking. I like that time where I have to excuse myself and go outside and enjoy a smoke by myself. I can still do that, or find a replacement for the cigarette in the "me" time, but it is and never will be the same. I am afraid, quite frankly that I will miss smoking forever, and that is what scares the hell out of me. I have heard from ex smokers that they crave a cigarette just as bad as when they quit (ranging from 1-20 years ago!) I don't want that, I don't want to feel as though I lost a dear dear friend that I could easily bring back from the dead.
Honestly, that is the only thing that is really bugging me about quitting. It is how I feel when I am smoking in private. I must relate it to a positive feeling, but hell if I know what that is. I realize that if you are not a smoker, you would never understand this feeling I have, that I, in no way, can really describe to you. But I would imagine it would be the same as if you were the type of person who liked to have that one silent hot aromatic cup of coffe in the morning, once it is done brewing and you can smell the aroma floating through your home, you pour the delicious brown love into your "first cup" cup, still in your warm comfortable pajamas, you go curl up in your favorite nook, stare out the window while sipping the yummy goodness, taking it all in, knowing that after the cup was gone, your world would wake up, and the chaos return.
Yeah, that's how my first morning cigarette feels. But there is one reason I have any desire and willpower to quit. It is my future... It is my dream.... and when and if that day ever comes, I want my body clean....
Tha hardest part is that I miss the "me" time in smoking. I like that time where I have to excuse myself and go outside and enjoy a smoke by myself. I can still do that, or find a replacement for the cigarette in the "me" time, but it is and never will be the same. I am afraid, quite frankly that I will miss smoking forever, and that is what scares the hell out of me. I have heard from ex smokers that they crave a cigarette just as bad as when they quit (ranging from 1-20 years ago!) I don't want that, I don't want to feel as though I lost a dear dear friend that I could easily bring back from the dead.
Honestly, that is the only thing that is really bugging me about quitting. It is how I feel when I am smoking in private. I must relate it to a positive feeling, but hell if I know what that is. I realize that if you are not a smoker, you would never understand this feeling I have, that I, in no way, can really describe to you. But I would imagine it would be the same as if you were the type of person who liked to have that one silent hot aromatic cup of coffe in the morning, once it is done brewing and you can smell the aroma floating through your home, you pour the delicious brown love into your "first cup" cup, still in your warm comfortable pajamas, you go curl up in your favorite nook, stare out the window while sipping the yummy goodness, taking it all in, knowing that after the cup was gone, your world would wake up, and the chaos return.
Yeah, that's how my first morning cigarette feels. But there is one reason I have any desire and willpower to quit. It is my future... It is my dream.... and when and if that day ever comes, I want my body clean....
Monday, May 9, 2011
Chartrouse
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Whew!
Wowza, it has been awhile, got this new blog up and been way to busy to do much of anything. News from the past few weeks?
Friday, March 18, 2011
Alec Baldwin says it best....
In my continuing journey to find and fix myself
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